do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
i now understand why vodka
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
