i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
