Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
