What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
