i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
i drank out of a bidet.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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