I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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