great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
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I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
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I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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