I think I just saw someone hide a body.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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