So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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