it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
