Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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