Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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