WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
she pinky promised me she was 18
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Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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