piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
