Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
