My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize