I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
She needs sedatives and a leash
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
