just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
