You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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