the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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