he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
