you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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