Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
She told me I should be a condom model.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
