There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
