You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Randomize
