Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
