I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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