Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize