Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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