If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
