why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
