Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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