Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
