We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
