He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
