i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
