You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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