Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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