He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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