My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
