No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Randomize
