Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
