my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
