I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
