It's Friday. Sex?
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
