Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
