My room smells like vodka and shame
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
