Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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