I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
