Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
PS: I just woke up from my shower
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
