I just threw up on my dentist
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
