you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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