need another drink. this is the easiest way
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
