U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
