I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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