i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
