Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I said "one day" and that day is not today
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
