u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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