Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
