So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
