I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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