i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
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