I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
A bitchslap is in order.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
