how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
