pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
now i know why i became what i already was.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
