She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Randomize