Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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