pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
time to smoke my breakfast
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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