My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
