So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
