If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
